can we get honest here for a moment? like, really, truly, honest?
i have not been myself this last month. i’ve flaked out on friends (sometimes with reason, sometimes because i’m terrible), i’ve let balls drop that i normally would not, and i’ve been a less than stellar wife.
i’ve had things not turn out as planned, and been disappointed in myself and things happening around me. and i’d like to say i responded with grace and a lot of patience, but i didn’t. i responded with a cranky attitude and far too many bad moods to mention for fear of you all seeing me in a different light.
my husband has taken on far more than his share of things to make up for where i’ve been lacking, and his life hasn’t been any easier than mine…we’re partners living this life together after all. but while he’s been living it thoughtfully, i’ve let my thoughtfulness get lost in the shuffle.
so there is no story this month about buying coffee for the car behind me, no thoughtful metaphor on how happiness can be found by doing things for others. just some real talk about how sometimes, even when we try to focus on it, thoughtfulness is not easy or welcomed. i don’t want to be one more person talking about how all you have to do is make thoughtfulness a priority and it magically changes your life to make you a better wife + friend + mom + person. it doesn’t. the journey to a life lived thoughtfully comes with progress that can sometimes be backwards.
but we can still take that journey. instead of being discouraged, i’m turning towards a fresh start in this advent season, this waiting season. time for more focus on how i can offer up my disappointment as a sacrifice to that holy one who offered Himself up for us. if He can be born a child in a manger, i can surely do the dishes with a happy heart. if He can die for me, i can be content with my disappointments, knowing that there is more ahead planned out for me.
here’s to finishing out the year on a better note. a more thoughtful note. here’s to ending 2015 with the happiest heart i can.