the gym is so embarrassing.

i like to think i’m a fairly confident person, in the sense that there aren’t a lot of things that embarrass me…talking in front of people doesn’t make me nervous. i once put on a poodle skirt and did swing dances (multiple) in front of 3,000 people at my company’s annual meeting. i married the man who i had the most awkward first kiss with EVER. i’m pretty good with keeping my cool in potentially cringe-worthy situations. which is why my frustration with the gym is so high.

why does it have to be such an embarrassing place?? is it not enough that you are exerting yourself to points of physical discomfort so great you feel pukey*? is it not enough that you are all sweaty and gross and ALWAYS see someone you know when you are at the peak of the workout? why can’t it be enough that all the weirdos want to talk to you when all you want to do is pick out a magazine?

i go to the gym with the best of intentions and normally in a really great mood. more often than not i end up leaving with the feeling that something could have gone better. that or i should just stick to working out to my jillian michael’s dvds in my living room.

out of the last 3 times i’ve been to the gym, i have:

  • – accidentally reserved a stairstepper instead of an elliptical machine, but because there were about twenty people watching me do it, i just stayed with the stairstepper out of shame. they are the worst, and that workout confirmed why i never use them.
  • – circled one of the new elliptical machines for 3 minutes, attempting to determine which number machine i was on. half of this time was spent after i had asked the gym attendant where the numbers were posted.
  • – awkwardly hovered around one of the occupied weight machines while Mister Man searched out an ever-elusive floor mat for me. no, sir, i do not want to make eye contact with you, i am waiting for my husband to finish doing a favor for me. thank you goodbye.
  • – choked while taking a sip of water from the public drinking fountain. because of course.

MM and i go to the gym together all the time and yet we have never worked out near each other.  i think i just figured out why.

*this is not a reflection on how hard i workout, only a reflection of how out of shape i am from not going to the gym enough.