amelia: two months old.

it's true what they say. the first couple of months are the hardest. there is this shift that starts to happen in your baby at the two month mark. it's ever so subtle, barely recognizable to anyone but mom and dad, but it's there. there starts to be an awareness in your child, of you, of themselves, of the world around them. and this awareness, praise be to God, is what will save you when you think you can't hold the baby for another hour. because all of a sudden, the baby will want to be put down to play, to swing, to explore.we've learned a lot since month one. namely, any "program" that claims to work for "any baby" is a crock of shit. i invite anyone who would like to prove me otherwise to come and watch my baby scream while waiting to be put on a feeding schedule, or make herself sick with crying because she can't put herself down to sleep yet. stick with that program, i dare you. i know that works for some babies. my daughter is not one of those babies. she knows what she wants, when she wants it, and she isn't going to go quietly into that dark night.for example, her latest desire is to suck her thumb. she wants nothing more than to be able to stick her thumb into her mouth to soothe her sucking needs and to put herself to sleep. and yet, because life isn't fair, she isn't able to do it. she's close, so FRUSTRATINGLY close, but she can't get that thumb in her mouth. it's to the point that she now rejects the pacifier and our fingers, because she knows she wants her thumb. and you'd think maybe any one of her fingers would be enough, right? WRONG. she gets almost indignant when she puts her fingers in her mouth because she knows they aren't her thumb.i'm so happy that amelia is so self-aware and (i'll just say it) intelligent that she knows nothing but her thumb will do to soothe, but come on! please throw mom and dad a bone. babies need to nap, and when she can't suck her thumb, she won't nap, and when she won't nap, mom goes crazy. right this moment, she is in her room waking herself up because she hit herself in the face trying to get her thumb in her mouth.all this to say, that even with the craziness, i can see the light at the end of the tunnel. watching amelia grow and change these past couple of months has been the joy of my life, complete with interrupted sleep and long days of no napping.my love, amelia: your dad and i would change a million diapers for you. even poopy ones. we love you more than life itself. here's to finding that thumb.

i had to.

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