those winter blues.

i've been trying to figure out why i haven't had any desire to reflect or write or be the least bit insightful, especially when i have so much to reflect on at this moment in time. and it occurred to me as i was waiting for the bus this morning that it was the end of march and yet i was bundled up as if it were the middle of december. which got me thinking: maybe it's the weather.i realize that sounds so cliché and a little ridiculous. so the crappy weather has been making it impossible for me to do relatively easy tasks that involve staying inside? you'd think that it would be easier for me to sit on the couch or at my desk to write or take photos in the house when it's disgusting out. but it does something to me. it takes the wind right out of my sails, and renders me incapable of doing anything other than just surviving.i've never had a problem with my moods or my brain chemistry before. you can pretty much count on me always being positive (a bit annoyingly so, maybe), with some salty moods here or there. i'm a constant. so these past few months have thrown me off my game quite a bit. i told a friend tonight that i've felt "trapped", like i couldn't escape from the trap winter had set for me. and that's a terrible feeling.i haven't figured out the best way for myself to handle this yet. i don't know if it's best to just roll with it, to let that trapped feeling run its course, or if i need to find a way to jumpstart myself out of this rut instead. if i don't do anything about it, it means i don't do anything at all. no writing, no socializing, no photos. and that can be fine, breaks are good. but it feels like i'm missing something. but i can't think of what will get me out of it. i'm out of ideas here, and welcome any you may have.what i do know is that the clouds are starting to lift. i woke up this morning with just the tiniest feeling that i should write something, anything down. it's still freezing cold here, but it's also light when i get home from work. i feel like cooking up some of my grandpa's soup recipes. and i have plans to get out and see people. so no promises as to how often i'll be back, but it's bound to be more often than the past few months. hopefully that's good news for most of you.

and may i say thank you for sticking around while my funk works itself out. i promise that there will be belly bump stories, recipes and (eventually) baby photos as a reward. if you're into that sort of thing of course. 

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