we're halfway there.

and all of a sudden, one half of my pregnancy is over and done with. i feel like i closed my eyes during one of my first trimester naps and when i woke up, 20 weeks had passed me by.and all of a sudden, it feels real now. that's not to say it didn't feel "real" before, no. but it's like i'm on the other side of the hill now, and i can already tell how fast the time is going to go before baby z. gets here. i don't think that i did a good enough job of enjoying what was happening to me in the beginning. i haven't been writing down any thoughts on the experience, and i haven't even really thought about how i'm feeling about the whole thing (other than crazy excited), so now i'm trying to hold on to as much of it as i can.

***

i am completely, fully, absolutely unable to button any of my pants up anymore. i'm fairly certain all my organs have moved up into my ribcage. the front of me is getting rounder every day. and i love it. i never thought that getting bigger would be this easy for me emotionally. for a while i thought i would have a really hard time with it, and i'd need a lot of reminders that it's okay, and it's for the baby, but it's just happened so gradually that it's been easy. so my pants don't fit, so what? it's just a better excuse to live in leggings.

***

Mister  Man and i were all cozied up on the couch last weekend, watching our newest show obsession (the bbc's sherlock, it's unbelievably good and we can't stop!), when baby z. decided it wasn't being paid enough attention. holy cow, the gymnastics that were going on in there! i was giggling while feeling all of it happen, and it occurred to me that MM might be able to feel it too. so i grabbed his hand and set it right where all the acrobatics were happening. sure enough, he got a little punch in his hand, and neither of us could believe it! i'd be lying if i said it didn't terrify me a little bit that the munchkin is already so strong and active (because what's it going to be like in two months?!?), but also it's so absolutely dreamy.

***

last night as i was falling asleep, the little one started dancing around in my belly, so much so that it kept me awake. that hasn't happened to me yet, and it was so strange and glorious that instead of being irritated, i just lay there with my hand on my belly, thanking God for the strong little thing in there. (does this mean that we're going to have a night owl on our hands Mister Man?) it was the first time that i felt like i was bonding with MY baby, and it really hit me that this.is.happening.

***

here's to the next 20 weeks being just as wonderful as the first. and to me remembering to soak them all in a little more. because having a baby is a miracle, and i think i need to appreciate how amazing it actually is, that's what i think.

p.s. how much bigger do we think that belly is going to get? i'm betting on a crap ton bigger. i'm practicing my waddle as we speak. 

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