sometimes i write about nothing.

spring decided to arrive on easter sunday. not only did it arrive, but it decided to come disguised as summer, with sunshine all day and temperatures in the high seventies. this is kind of what happens here in the tundra...we have 7 months of winter, and then all of a sudden it's summer and no one knows what to do or where their sandals are or how to turn off their furnace. and as much as it would be nice to have a reliable amount of time to ease into the heat, i don't really mind.*and it's now my goal, as i told ms. margaret, to find a way to wear pants as little as possible until this baby is born. also, to wear my non-maternity clothes for as long as possible. i stubbornly put on a regular person dress this morning and predict that this will be a regular occurrence until i rip something. probably at work. oof.

***

so last week was rough. in terms of meltdowns and questioning of choices and differing opinions, it was just not a great week. there is something about having to decide things like how to pay for breast pumps that aren't covered by insurance, where and how often to send your baby to daycare (i already can't imagine how i am possibly going to be able to do that), and what your work schedule is going to look like, that makes your brain kind of implode on itself and cause you to completely lose control of your emotions after a seemingly normal gym session.it's a funny feeling, losing control of your emotions. i tend to be in control of those pesky little things on a normal day, but throw in some extreme circumstances and some powerful hormones, and all bets are off. i almost liked the feeling, in a way. is that weird? it made me feel vulnerable and sad and frustrated, but it was freeing, you know. like now that it's done, it's out in the wide open and i can get down to the business of making everything good.this week is a little better. progress is being made where it needs to be, things are falling into place, and most importantly, i'm feeling like i have a handle on it all once again. i still don't know that we've figured it all out, but maybe this is what life is going to look like now that baby z. is joining us. maybe it's just going to be a constant state of questioning and not knowing if you're doing the right things, and melting down once in a while. and maybe that's okay. maybe it's even good, because it means we're growing and learning and becoming people who can handle all of it, even thrive with it.it doesn't hurt when you're married to a man like my husband, who listens and helps where he can, and knows that a good surprise bouquet of flowers can make any crazy pregnant lady feel like she's getting back to normal.

***

so maybe this post wasn't about nothing. i guess sometimes talk about the weather can turn into more important things. what a lovely phenomenon that is.

*remind me that i said this in august when i'm 9 months pregnant and want to stay in an ice bath all day long.

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