in which i say yes to quiet.
normally i don't write prompted posts. it goes against my nature to be told what to think. family, do you agree with me? are you laughing right now at that understatement?but every so often one comes up that solves the problem of my writer's block, or that just fits with something i was already writing in my head. the "say yes project" is one of them. i even had this post titled before i remembered amber's idea.here's where i said yes to my own request of quiet.
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i've said before that i talk too much (again, family, are you laughing at that understatement?). talking, to me, is like a security blanket; it just makes me feel comfortable. but i know that sometimes i miss out on some great conversations with people because i steal the whole thing with my one-sided chatter.so over labor day weekend i decided that i wanted to use it as a time to reflect. to reconnect to whatever i'd been pushing aside with my talking. to just be quiet.on that first morning, all i wanted to do was sit in the kitchen with my coffee and sweatshirt, chatting away to our friends about plans for their cabin, our new house, yadda yadda yadda. instead i walked outside and took this photo, then walked down to the dock to sit and think:
everything in me was saying no to sitting by myself. i equate quiet with loneliness, and going off by yourself as being anti-social. i very much dislike both of those things and avoid them at all costs, and even though it seems easy to say yes to being quiet on a morning like that, saying yes to what i KNEW i wanted deep down was incredibly hard.because i'm sure that part of the reason i'm talkative is because i'm prone to quiet anxiety. not the kind that brings on attacks or the lack of ability to function socially, it's the kind that just simmers below the surface, so quietly that even i can't tell it's there. it normally doesn't show itself, but sometimes it does and it's crappy.so when i said yes, when i forced myself to put away my security blanket of chatter, what i found, or remembered really, was a different one. it turns out, quiet thinking brings out the calm in me. it doesn't cause more anxiety or more discomfort like i assume it would, it just acknowledges it and puts it to bed.i had known this and forgotten it. i knew that i liked to be quiet in the past, but i had forgotten why. saying yes to quiet thought gave me a new outlet (that doesn't really seem like an outlet at all, but just a passive act of nothing, so you see why this was confusing to me) for stress in my life. and it came at the perfect time.
(oh yeah, i also said yes to paddleboarding, slalom skiing and wake-surfing...which FYI, were way easier for me than staying quiet!)
#sayyesproject
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