as i write this, it’s 4:56am and i’m sitting up in bed holding the baby while he sleep-farts, because apparently he can’t sleep-fart in the comfort of his own bed. Mister Man is away on his first work trip since William was born and i’m coming off a day of both kids conspiring to make me insane.
and here’s the part where i’m supposed to say, “but even through my bleary eyed exhaustion, i know these are the moments i’ll miss when my babies are grown. babies don’t keep, so i’ll hug mine a little tighter and appreciate every moment.”
except i’m not going to say any of that because it’s total bullshit.
when my babies aren’t babies anymore, you know what i’ll miss? snuggling them while feeding, their sweet little coos, watching them find their hands for the first time. those moments are the ones i’ll want do-overs for. but i don’t have to miss every moment that happens with them. i don’t have to wax poetic about everything.
now that Amelia is in full toddler mode, i can look at her and see what parts i wish she’d keep from her babyhood. want to know what isn’t on that list? being awake with her at all hours because of her teeth or her gas. changing her exploding diapers or getting pooped on by surprise. the witching hours. all these things are normal and expected with a baby. does that mean they need to be savored? i don’t think so.
so do i look at my sweet boy’s face to make me feel better as i sit here watching sleep pass me by for another night? of course. do i appreciate this moment? nope.
and that’s okay.
ask any parent if their children make them happy every single moment of every single day. unless they’re dirty liars, they’ll tell you that would be impossible. no matter what age they are, our children are human, and are going to do things that make us crazy. but the wonderfully magic gift that motherhood gives me is the ability to love and adore and be thankful for my babies at all times even if i don’t appreciate each and every thing they do.
so to the new mom who hears everyone say, “soak in every moment, you won’t get it back”, just know that you are still a good mom even if you don’t soak them in. you’re still a good mom if you want to fast forward through the wake ups and the crying jags and the blowouts. it’s not all flowers and unicorns and rainbows and you don’t need to pretend that it is just because people tell you that you should.