motherhood

you don’t need to savor every moment. 

as i write this, it’s 4:56am and i’m sitting up in bed holding the baby while he sleep-farts, because apparently he can’t sleep-fart in the comfort of his own bed. Mister Man is away on his first work trip since William was born and i’m coming off a day of both kids conspiring to make me insane. 

and here’s the part where i’m supposed to say, “but even through my bleary eyed exhaustion, i know these are the moments i’ll miss when my babies are grown. babies don’t keep, so i’ll hug mine a little tighter and appreciate every moment.” 

except i’m not going to say any of that because it’s total bullshit. 

when my babies aren’t babies anymore, you know what i’ll miss? snuggling them while feeding, their sweet little coos, watching them find their hands for the first time. those moments are the ones i’ll want do-overs for. but i don’t have to miss every moment that happens with them. i don’t have to wax poetic about everything. 

now that Amelia is in full toddler mode, i can look at her and see what parts i wish she’d keep from her babyhood. want to know what isn’t on that list? being awake with her at all hours because of her teeth or her gas. changing her exploding diapers or getting pooped on by surprise. the witching hours. all these things are normal and expected with a baby. does that mean they need to be savored? i don’t think so. 

so do i look at my sweet boy’s face to make me feel better as i sit here watching sleep pass me by for another night? of course. do i appreciate this moment? nope. 

and that’s okay. 

ask any parent if their children make them happy every single moment of every single day. unless they’re dirty liars, they’ll tell you that would be impossible. no matter what age they are, our children are human, and are going to do things that make us crazy. but the wonderfully magic gift that motherhood gives me is the ability to love and adore and be thankful for my babies at all times even if i don’t appreciate each and every thing they do.  

so to the new mom who hears everyone say, “soak in every moment, you won’t get it back”, just know that you are still a good mom even if you don’t soak them in. you’re still a good mom if you want to fast forward through the wake ups and the crying jags and the blowouts. it’s not all flowers and unicorns and rainbows and you don’t need to pretend that it is just because people tell you that you should. 

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william joseph.

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Mister Man and i are extremely happy to announce the birth of our second child (and Amelia is excited to announce the birth of her first sibling). William Joseph was born on october 24 at 2:51pm,  and weighed in at 8 lbs, 13 oz and was 20.5 inches long. William, Amelia, dad and i are doing well. Amelia is so excited to be a big sister and is in love with the new little one. thank you so much for all the well wishes and love that you have given us during the last 9 months. we are blessed to have you in our lives.

love,

Mister Man, Erin, Amelia and William

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these days with baby zee.

i’ll never take for granted reaching the milestone of 40 weeks. i know that there are so many women who would give anything to carry a baby at all, let alone for this long. it is a gift to be a vessel for these souls, and i will be thankful for that gift for as long as i live.

now, that’s not to say that i don’t want to meet my baby soon. i cannot wait to find out if it’s a boy or a girl, and i cannot wait to see what this little one’s personality will be once it’s here. i know that he or she will come out at just the right time, i just need to be patient while i wait. easier said than done, but i can do it!

40 weeks with baby zee

40-and-40

[40 weeks with Amelia on the left. 40 weeks with baby zee on the right.]

how far along: 40 weeks. gone is my due date (by 4 days). all that’s left is the waiting.

i’m feeling: so pregnant. so very pregnant. so ready to meet the baby. also very heavy.

update on stubborn baby’s position: baby is still head down. i’m still supposed to go to the hospital during early labor to make sure everything has stayed in place, but we’re past the worried phase for position.

total weight gain: i’m at 34 pounds total weight gain. over my prediction of 30 pounds, but i have been retaining a LOT more water this pregnancy than i did last time, so i think that might be the main culprit. i’ve also had much more of an appetite, but that is due to me being more active this pregnancy (with chasing after little miss) than last time, so that might be a wash.

baby zee’s size: baby is the size of a small pumpkin, about 7.5 pounds and 21 inches long. i’m about to push a pumpkin out of my hoohah people. again.

this week: we have everything we need for the baby, so we have just been planning what we can, and relaxing where we can, and being extra gentle with miss Amelia where we can.

maternity clothes: same dress and leggings almost everyday. because my brain hurts from trying to think of outfits that fit me.

sleep: oh sleep. i’m looking forward to seeing you again in about 6-9 months.

best moment this week: my due date arriving i suppose.

movement: still wiggling around in there, but being the size of a pumpkin, there is not a lot of room anymore. also having a lot of braxton-hicks that are getting stronger. i even had about two hours of false labor the other night, and the only reason i knew it was false was because the contractions stayed in the front.

food cravings: not really anything special. by the time i make anything, i’m too tired to care what it is.

food aversions: getting a little less hungry these days because i’ve run out of room.

belly button in or out: yep it’s out. or nonexistent. whichever freaks you out less.

looking forward to: giving birth. is that weird that i look forward to that?

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due date eve.

*i obviously started writing this post last night. obviously still no baby.  

you know how christmas eve is so exciting because you know that when you wake up, it’s christmas morning? and christmas morning means family, presents, bloody marys (if you’re like my family), and sitting by the fire in your cozy pajamas? well, due date eve is a lot like that, but with one little twist: you have NO IDEA when the baby is going to show up. could be tonight. could be tomorrow. could be in ten days.

so it’s awesome, because it’s great that you made it to d-day. but then you have this whole unknown stretch of time in front of you, just made for waiting. you can’t really make plans, but also you should probably try and do something other than wait around for baby. so in the spirit of staying busy, here is a brain dump of what i’ve been up to in the last few weeks of waiting, and what’s going to be happening around here until baby zee decides to show up!40 weeks with baby zee

  • cooking all the freezer meals. like, a lot of them. our freezer is what you would call, stocked up. when i was pregnant with Amelia, i did not cook even one thing to put in the freezer. and that was fine. we got a lot of food cooked for us, and we also had the luxury of choosing not to eat dinner until 8pm, when she went down for her evening catnap. this time around, we have a 2 year old who DOES need to eat a healthy, balanced dinner at 6pm every night. so pre-made meals will be a necessity while we find our new normal. here’s a sampling of what i’ve cooked up: the pioneer woman’s chicken spaghetti, enchiladas, enchilada casserole, mini pizza quinoa bites, chicken pot pie, tortellini soup, and white chicken chili, along with some gluten-free pumpkin muffins and homemade yogurt popsicles for easy snacks for Amelia. it’s amazing what you can get done during naptime with a plan and a rotisserie chicken, i tell ya.
  • making fun lunches for miss Amelia. i don’t know what came over me, but i decided due date week would be the perfect time to become pinterest mom. and then i made these for lunch:

fun-sandwich

who even am i anymore??

  • sitting on an exercise ball. trying to make sure this baby stays head down, and maybe try to trick it to come out? picture me rolling around on this ball, with my shirt pulled up over my belly (because it’s less restrictive and more comfortable), looking like a goon. this is my new normal.
  • taking all the baths. i feel very heavy these days. and with that, comes a lot of aches and pains. and i happen to have an amazing husband who forces me into the bathtub as often as i can take one…sometimes he even brings me a ginger beer and some popcorn to go with it. i usually throw in some epsom salts mixed with a few drops of peace and calming essential oil to really up the muscle relaxing factor. i’m soaking up this time while i can.
  • watching all the t.v. mostly in the form of “the voice”, “this is us”, and “grey’s anatomy” (i can’t quit that show!). i mean, i know i won’t have as much t.v. watching time as i did last time i nursed a baby, but there will still be lots of time doing nothing in the evenings, and i need to know which shows to catch up on during those times, right? also, i’m just too tired at night to do anything else by veg out if i’m being honest.
  • twiddling my thumbs. because what else do you do when you’re about to be overdue?

amelia all wrapped up

  • spending quality time with my firstborn. i have been trying to give Amelia as much attention as my energy allows while she is still the only child. in the past few days, i’ve started to notice that she is more clingy and needing her mama than she normally tends to be. this is a child who typically refuses to cuddle or hug because she’s too busy doing other stuff. but lately, she’s been wanting more songs and more attention and even hugs. and i’m not complaining, because it’s awesome, but i know it’s happening because she subconsciously senses that things are about to change in a big way around here. she will still get tons of attention and love when baby arrives, and i have no fears about having “enough” love to go around, but i want to make sure she can feel that from me too.

40 weeks with baby zee

any other tips for me as i try to retain my sanity over the next who knows how many days? please share them in the comments. PLEASE.

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these days with baby zee.

woops, i’m actually closer to 39 weeks now since i forgot to post this on friday. oh well. the important and necessary thing for you all to know that is that i am still pregnant. very much so.

let’s throw out some guesses as to when i’ll have this baby, shall we? the due date is october 18. my guess is october 22. throw your guess in the comments below, we’ll see who can get the closest! feel free to throw in a gender guess while you’re at it, i’m really excited to find out if it’s a boy or a girl in there…

38 weeks pregnant with baby zee

[life with a two year old who thinks mirrors are the coolest]

how far along: 38 weeks. very, super pregnant.

i’m feeling: very puffy. my hands are perpetually swollen and i kind of feel like i have arthritis. and then today i woke up feeling very, very tired after what i thought was a good night of sleep. so I’ve been better, but to be honest, i’m feeling better than i expected to be at this point in the pregnancy.

update on stubborn baby’s position: this is like the saga that will not end! if you don’t follow me on snapchat, 1) what are you thinking? 2) you missed the update on my procedure/debacle. basically, i went in to my appointments last wednesday, had four people confirm that baby was breech, then went to the hospital for the manual turning procedure. they did a quick ultrasound on me to confirm the baby’s position, and lo and behold, in three short hours, the baby had turned head down without me noticing. so the good news is that i didn’t have to do the procedure, bad news is that this baby has too much room in my belly somehow. yesterday though, my doctor said that she thought the baby was for sure head down still, so she’s saying there’s a chance! she did tell me that if i go into labor, she wants me in the hospital during early labor so we can make sure baby is in good position and don’t run into any emergency situations.

total weight gain: i went back to my 1 pound a week gain over the last couple of weeks. i’m up to a total of 29 pounds gained, and i’m betting i’ll be really close to the 30 pound guess i had at the beginning of all this. but true story: pretty sure more of this gain is from fluid this time…i’ve never felt so puffy in all my life. the only perk is having lips that look like i got injections. super cool.

baby zee’s size: baby is the size of a leek (WHAT), about 6 3/4 pounds and 19.5 inches long. judging by the amount of space this baby seems to have still, i’m guessing it’s a touch smaller than that.

this week: we are all in nesting mode like whoa. we’ve been cleaning the house top to bottom (okay, Mister Man has, not me), got the area rugs cleaned, ordered the dresser and some new nooks for the baby, set up the second(!) crib in the kids’ room, and finished washing all the baby stuff, including the rock and play. i’ve also been adding to the freezer stash of meals and feeling relieved that we won’t be going hungry right away.

maternity clothes: is it acceptable to just wear the same leggings and tunic dress for the rest of the pregnancy? because that’s where i’m at.

sleep: oh you guys it’s so bad. but whatever. it’s not like it was going to be great once baby came anyways. i might sleep harder once baby is out of me actually…

best moment this week: well, hearing baby was head down was pretty great. we’ve also been having lots of fun as a family of three too. we got donuts on a whim this morning before work and have been spending as much time at the parks as we possibly can before we go hibernation mode for a bit. and Amelia’s mood has been reflecting the quality time. she’s downright giddy these days, so far not showing too much angst about the changes coming our way. that could change, but i’d be perfectly happy if it didn’t…hear that universe?

movement: still pretty wiggly in there, but hopefully no more somersaults. also a bit more braxton-hicks contractions, which are new this pregnancy, and a bit odd.

food cravings: i ate a whole “share-size” bag of skittles in two days this week. does that tell you anything?

food aversions: none whatsoever.

belly button in or out: the russian parking attendant in my ramp looks at me with shock whenever he sees me pull out of the lot, what do you think?

looking forward to: meeting this little human who’s been keeping me on my toes the last 9 months.

38 weeks pregnant with baby zee

[another, because look at that belly, and also my hair&makeup is done, and also my arm looks great in this photo]

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